Last week we posted our first interview as part of our new series featuring stories from birth parents about the adoption process. If you missed it, be sure to check it out. That first story was from Amber and this time we are featuring an interview with Matthew, the birthfather. We hope you continue to find these interviews informative and important, as we certainly do. They may just answer some questions you have about the adoption process, whether you are a potential birth or adoptive parent.
Check back next week for another story from one of our birth parents. And if you have any questions about the adoption process, you can always contact us.
Why did you choose adoption?
Emotionally, her mother was not able to commit to providing a supportive home. It was with great sadness that I agreed to place her for adoption, ultimately, to provide a wonderful environment for her that I knew we could not.
What are the benefits of open adoption?
Open adoption has so many benefits that it is hard to write them all down. I have access to pictures, videos, and e-mails about my daughter. The adoptive family has stressed that all I need do is ask to interact with her, and they will work to make it happen.
What are you able to do now that you would not be able to do had you decided to parent your child?
I suffer from many disabilities, and the adoption provides me peace of mind. There is also less stress for the birth family regarding additional financial obligations. Finally, the adoption has allowed the birth mother and I to deepen our relationship after going through all the tribulations involved in the birth and adoption processes.
Why is it important for you to be a part of your child’s life?
I had a part in creating her, and I need to know how her life is going. It is an obligation for me ethically to let my child know where she came from and to be there any way I can to help her and answer any questions she may have.
Is it hard for you to see your child now?
Yes, it is certainly hard, but like the birth, it is something I feel is necessary. I cannot imagine not being a part of my daughter’s life, regardless of the emotional pain it causes me.
What kind of emotions do you feel when you see your child?
I go through a range of emotions every time I see our child: heartache for not being with her every hour; happiness to know she has a good environment in which to grow up; worry, that I would not be able to provide for her the way she needs if we had kept her; overwhelmed with the kindness the adoptive family has shown to my daughter; relief, knowing she is well cared for; and pride, that I have given my child the best chance to make the most out of her life.
What are your feelings about the adoptive family? What kind of relationship do you have with them?
I’m thankful for their help and love. They are overwhelmingly kind and understanding when it comes to our needs as the birth parents. I’m grateful for their desire to adopt our child and show her the love we ourselves could not show her. I have a wonderful relationship with the adoptive family. I can’t show them enough gratitude for all that they have committed to do for our daughter.
Have your family and friends been supportive?
The few that we have told about the adoption have been mostly supportive. It was our choice to not reveal the pregnancy to too many people due to the environment I grew up in and the wishes of the birth mother. Some of our friends even offered to be an adoptive family, but we felt that would have been extremely awkward.
Can you talk a little about your experience with Adoption & Beyond?
My experience with Adoption & Beyond was amazing, wonderful and smooth. The process is emotionally draining, but the staff is wonderful. Their accreditation is well deserved; they went above and beyond every expectation that I had. They were as accommodating as possible, even for people with disabilities.
Is there anything else you would like to say?
It is important when choosing your adoptive family that you express your wishes so that they can accommodate as many of them as possible. Choose your family with care, and there will be nothing more rewarding for you and your child.