Adoption involves the creation of a family, and the negotiation of the adoption process can create lots of emotions, from pure joy to grief. Everyone who goes through an adoption deserves to know that their feelings are valid, even if they do not experience the emotions they expect. This guide helps birth and adoptive parents to understand the emotional journey of adoption.
Deciding on Adoption
For many expecting parents, the decision to choose adoption is full of emotions. Many people struggle to know what they should do when they find themselves pregnant and do not have the resources to raise a child. They may worry that every decision has too many risks to make any choice a wise one. During this time, it is common for expecting parents to feel a variety of emotions, from anger at the situation to grief at the thought of severing the daily connection to a child.
Adoptive parents go through a similar process when deciding to seek adoption services. Many adoptive parents choose adoption after attempting to conceive and carry a biological child. They may feel grief about infertility or other health issues, at the same time as excitement about the opportunity to adopt a child. The adoption process is also unpredictable at times, leading many adoptive parents to feel anxious about the steps they need to take to complete a successful adoption.
Preparing for the Birth/Adoption Process
Once an expecting parent settles on adoption, they may still have several months of pregnancy to go. Pregnancy can create plenty of complications for a birthing parent, from health considerations to emotional changes due to hormones. In addition, expecting parents may start to form a bond with the child that they know will change significantly after the adoption is complete. The birthing parent often needs additional support during this time, to ensure that they have everything they need to maintain their physical and mental health.
Once birthing parents are matched with adoptive parents, the process can run similarly for adoptive parents as well. Adoptive parents may want to monitor as much as they can about the birthing parent’s pregnancy, to ensure good health and regular prenatal care. They may worry about health complications or other obstacles that could affect their ability to adopt the child. Adoptive parents may also need extra support, as they prepare for parenthood.
Coping With Changes After Adoption
Although the adoption process may not take as long as the period prior to birth, it is a highly emotionally charged time for birth parents and adoptive parents alike. Birthing parents must go through the physical challenges of labor and delivery, plus the physical and emotional changes that happen to the body after birth. In some cases, the conclusion of the adoption also includes a severing of the day-to-day link between birth parents and child. Birth parents may feel grief about the loss of daily connection, guilt over their inability to raise the child, or simple relief that the pregnancy is done.
After the birth, adoptive parents also go through a whirlwind of emotions. They may delight in the child and the new experiences of parenthood while feeling empathy for the birth parents. The complication of handling newborn care can also increase emotional outbursts especially in the early weeks when everyone is trying to get used to new responsibilities and routines.
How to Get Help on Your Journey
If you are a birthing parent or an adoptive parent, you deserve to receive care and support throughout the adoption journey. Whether you are new to the experience or you have gone through it before, you can take advantage of services that help provide the emotional and physical support you need during this time. You might consider the following:
- Self-Care: Take time to rest, nourish yourself, get light exercise, and focus on tasks that bring you joy.
- Physical Support: Do not hesitate to ask friends and family members for help with the physical limitations of pregnancy or the difficulties of newborn care, whether you need someone to help you clean the house or accompany you to appointments.
- Support Groups: Join support groups for birth parents or adoptive parents, to learn from and bond with people who understand what you are going through.
- Individual or Couples Therapy: Scheduling individual therapy or couples therapy can help you talk through your feelings and difficulties in a supportive, judgment-free environment.
With this support, you may notice that your emotions become easier to regulate.
Adoption is a difficult decision for both birth parents and adoptive parents, producing lots of emotions that can be hard to handle. At times, parents may feel conflicting emotions such as grief and delight. By recognizing and planning for the emotional journey, parents can help to maintain their mental health at this time.
Author bio: Suzy Christopher, LCSW, is Director and a co-founder of MySpectrum Counseling & Coaching. She has been serving in clinical social work and leadership roles since 2002.
SOURCES
https://adoptabsc.org/understanding-the-emotional-journey-of-birth-parents-before-and-after-adoption/
https://www.angeladoptioninc.com/blog/exploring-emotional-journey-adoptive-parents/