We need to talk about one of the hardest parts of family building: moving from infertility to adoption. This is heavy stuff, and if you’re drowning in this decision right now, I see you. There’s no magic moment when you suddenly feel “ready,” and there’s definitely no rulebook for timing this decision perfectly. Some families know exactly when to make the leap, while others feel stuck in limbo between treatments that might work and adoption plans that feel overwhelming. I’ve seen countless couples go through this exact process, and these are some of the things that help them. I hope they will help you also.
Deciding When to Stop Medical Treatment
Your first major decision is when to call it quits on medical treatment. Some families get a clear sign like maybe your doctor delivers definitive news, or you hit an obvious medical wall. But for many families, there’s no neon sign telling you when to stop, and you could theoretically keep going with treatment after treatment after treatment.
Honestly? A lot of times, your bank account or emotional state makes this decision for you when the cost or emotional drain of infertility treatments becomes impossible to sustain.
Ultimately, you do need to actively decide when you’re done with medical treatment instead of just letting circumstances decide for you.
Coming to Terms With Infertility Grief
You’ve got to work through the grief of infertility before jumping into adoption. I know asking you to “work through grief” sounds about as doable as climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops.
Adoption isn’t necessarily “Plan B.” Sure, infertility might have been your Plan B, but adoption doesn’t automatically become second best. You need to grieve your infertility experience AND be ready to approach adoption with genuine hope and excitement.
I always know when families are in the right headspace because they stop saying, “we want to get pregnant,” and start saying, “we want to become parents.” They’re genuinely excited about adoption, not just resigned to it. That shift is a good sign that you’re making it up the mountain.
Getting on the Same Page With Your Partner
If you’re partnered, both of you need to be genuinely ready for adoption. You probably won’t be ready at the same time initially.
You’ll likely discover that you’re in completely different emotional places as you consider leaving infertility behind for adoption. Maybe one person is ready to close that chapter while the other is still processing. Maybe one is excited about adoption while the other is mourning what they’re giving up.
Both of you need to be authentically on board when you start the adoption process, not just going along to avoid conflict.
You Don’t Have to Be “Fully Resolved”
You don’t need to be completely “over” your infertility before starting adoption. Let me explain:
Infertility never gets fully resolved. Adopting a child doesn’t magically erase your infertility story. If you’re waiting to feel totally fine about infertility before moving forward, you might wait forever.
Many people think that adoption will magically take their infertility away, then get blindsided when those feelings pop back up. We see this especially during matching when families meet an expecting mom who is pregnant. Suddenly, all those feelings of inadequacy come flooding back. That’s completely normal!
Adoption doesn’t cure infertility; it creates a different path to parenthood than you originally imagined.
The goal isn’t” never feeling sad about infertility again.” The goal is reaching a place where adoption feels like a positive choice rather than just your last remaining option.
This transition ranks among the hardest things you’ll ever do, and there’s no perfect timeline. Be patient with yourself, stay honest about where you are emotionally, and don’t rush into adoption just because you’re exhausted by infertility. Give yourself permission to make this shift authentically. You can do it.
Want more guidance? My All About Adoption 101 course provides comprehensive support for families moving from infertility to adoption with confidence. Once you’ve made this decision and are ready to explore different adoption paths, the Avenues of Adoption course will help you find what works for your family.
This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only. Our services are not financial, business, or legal advice. The information presented here is not a guarantee that you will obtain any results or earn any money using our content. Adoption & Beyond, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
