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Adoption comes with its own set of challenges and joys, and sometimes, it’s tough to know what your adopted child truly needs. As adoptive parents, you want to understand and support your child as best as you can, but certain unspoken thoughts can make this tricky. What if you had a clearer insight into what adoptees wish you knew?
Let’s dive into six key things adoptees wish their adoptive parents knew.
- Just because your child isn’t talking about adoption doesn’t mean they’re not thinking about it. Adoption is a big part of their identity, and they might need you to take the initiative to bring it up. So, be the one to start the conversation in a natural, relaxed way that fits into your everyday family life. Make it clear that this is an open topic in your home – no need to tiptoe around it. By initiating the conversation, you show them that it’s safe to talk about their feelings and experiences. So, take the lead and start the conversation. Let them know that adoption is a totally cool topic to chat about anytime, anywhere.
- Respect their privacy. Seriously, their adoption story isn’t gossip material for your next book club meeting. Always get their consent before sharing their story with others. It’s their story to tell, not yours. This respect helps them feel in control of their own narrative and builds trust between you. Sharing their story without permission can feel like a violation, so respect their privacy and only share their story if they’re okay with it. Trust me, it’s worth it.
- The lack of a complete medical history can be a real stressor for adoptees. Imagine not knowing your family’s health background – pretty daunting, right? Do your best to gather as much medical information as possible to ease this concern. If gaps exist, acknowledge them and discuss openly with your child how you’ll manage any uncertainties together. So, do your detective work and gather as much info as you can. Your kiddo will thank you later.
- Birthdays can be bittersweet for adoptees. While it’s a day of celebration, either for them or the family, it might also bring up feelings of loss and separation from their birth family. Be sensitive and understanding if they seem a bit off during these times. Creating new traditions together can help, but be prepared for some complex emotions to surface. Show them some extra love, support, and patience during these times.
- Remember, adoptees can love more than one family. Yep, you read that right! So, don’t worry about them loving their birth family – it doesn’t mean they love you any less. Love is not a competition; it’s a beautiful, expansive thing. Encourage and support their feelings for their birth family – it contributes to their sense of wholeness. Recognizing their capacity to love multiple families helps them feel accepted and less conflicted about their emotions. Love is infinite, after all!
- If they decide to search for their birth family, it’s not because they’re trying to replace you. Look, this is a real fear, and I get it, but this particular event is just not about you. They’re just looking for that missing piece of their identity. Supporting them in this process can strengthen your bond if they feel understood and accepted. Their search for their birth family is about self-discovery and understanding their roots, not about finding new parents. Be their home base, be their support, and be their biggest cheerleader.
It’s not always easy, but approaching these topics head-on can transform your bond. As adoptive parents, your willingness to learn and grow means the world to your child. By understanding these seven things, you’ll be better equipped to support your child through their adoption journey. Remember, every kiddo is different, so be patient, be kind, and most importantly, be there for them every step of the way.
Feeling buried under a mountain of adoption decisions? Take a breather, friend! Our team at Adoption & Beyond is here to lighten the load. Schedule a FREE consultation today and let’s tackle that together. With our efficient process and supportive staff, you’ll be on your way to bringing your child home in no time.
This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only. Our services are not financial, business, or legal advice. The information presented here is not a guarantee that you will obtain any results or earn any money using our content. Adoption & Beyond, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
