We continue our special series featuring birth parents with an interview from a birth mother, Rebecca. If you have not already explored the first five stories, be sure to read them as they show a wide variety of perspectives from birth mothers and fathers. Our aim with this series is to open conversations with and about birth parents and to help remove some of the stigmas that many birth parents face. We hope you continue to find these interviews and stories important, as we certainly do. You may find that they answer questions you have about the adoption process or bring up new ones. If you do have questions, be sure to contact us.
Continue to check back as we build this series and add more interviews from birth parents.
Why did you choose adoption?
I had an unexpected pregnancy and no family support during delivery. I am from China, and I appreciate my birth parents for allowing me to be adopted. I feel like adoption is the best option for my son because he deserves a two-parent home. Even though it has been the hardest decision in my life, it is the best one I have ever made for me and my baby.
What are the benefits of open adoption?
The adoption plan varies. It is what the adoption social worker, the adoptive family, and you decide. I went with a family that allowed monthly e-mails with photos and two visits a year. It has helped me to heal and allows me to feel like I am a mom from afar. It allows me to have closure knowing that my baby is okay and well loved.
What are you able to do now that you would not be able to do had you decided to parent your child?
I am able to work a full-time job; spend time growing as a person; learn more about myself; and determine what my goals are. I am able to go back to school without worrying about daycare for my son. I am able to spend time with friends and family. Adoption has allowed me to enjoy life and to become a person my baby will one day be proud of.
Why was it important for you to be a part of your child’s life? Is it hard for you to see your child now? What kinds of emotions do you feel when you see your child?
I want my baby to know who I am. When I see my son, it is very emotional for me. My heart feels like a swelling balloon full of love and sadness. I cherish every moment with my son and his new family. I have learned that it is okay to cry and show emotions during my visits; most of my emotions are joy and amazement. He is such a smart and beautiful baby. I am so blessed to see him and see him being loved by his new family. I also feel pride in giving a family a chance to expand and grow their family through adoption. It also humbles me to know that there are families ready to care for a newborn.
What are your feelings about the adoptive family? What kind of relationship do you have with them?
I was skeptical that a family could be ready physically and emotionally to adopt an unknown child, but when I first saw my son’s new mom, her face showed an instant look of love for us. As she held him, my anxieties about leaving my son with his new family settled. When my son met his dad, he kept rocking back and forth; he was so excited. We have a healthy relationship that started out slowly as we learned to trust each other. My son will always be in my heart, but I am able to share him forever with a family that loves him in their own special way.
Have your family and friends been supportive?
At first I had no support. When my son was born it was me, my baby, and the hospital staff. I am very happy to say that my parents eventually got to meet my son and his new family. That really was a special visit. At first I didn’t share with my friends about having a baby and placing him for adoption. Their first reactions were to call me nasty names. They said I was a terrible mother for abandoning my baby. I quickly learned to make better friends and choose healthier relationships. I am now more independent and proud of both my adoption story and my son’s adoption story.
Can you talk a little about your experience with Adoption & Beyond?
When there was no agency available to talk to me about adoption, Adoption & Beyond was there. Steffany reached out to me and took time out of her holiday weekend to visit me. I had no clue what I was doing and wanted someone to help me figure things out. Steffany leant her ear and heart to me, even if I said I would like to parent my son. She allowed me to understand the impact of adoption and the benefits of allowing him to grow in a two-parent home. Adoption & Beyond allowed me to pick my baby’s family and meet them before finalizing paperwork. I am so thankful for the aftercare that Adoption & Beyond provided me. Steffany also gave me a book written by a birth mom about her personal journey with adoption. It helped me to heal and to process life. I am forever thankful to Adoption & Beyond and its staff.
Is there anything else you would like to say?
There are always choices for you and your family, whether you are a birthmother or wanting to adopt. I never knew how wonderful it would be to choose adoption. I am glad that my son has an amazing forever family.