Check out the video on my YouTube channel HERE.
I got a great question from one of our YouTube viewers, and I thought it’d be helpful to share it here. It’s a topic that comes up a lot in adoption circles. Let’s dive in!
The Question
This awesome viewer shared that they’re an adoptive parent of a 6-year-old and regularly talk with an adoption counselor to help navigate the (inevitable) questions that come up. Not to get ahead of myself, but can we just take a moment to appreciate parents who think deeply about this stuff? You’re doing amazing.
Here’s the issue they’re dealing with: their daughter has blonde hair, while the rest of the family has dark, curly hair. Strangers often comment on her hair, saying things like, “Oh, she must get it from her dad,” especially when Dad’s not there.
The parent has noticed their daughter’s face change during these interactions and feels like it might make her feel disconnected. They’re stuck wondering:
- Should I mention adoption when responding to these questions?
- How can I handle this in a way that’s sensitive to my daughter’s feelings?
My Response
This is such a thoughtful question, and honestly, you’re not alone—this is something a lot of adoptive parents face. Here’s my take:
Since your daughter is 6, it’s a great time to bring her into the conversation. She’s old enough to have opinions about this, especially since you’ve noticed her picking up on what’s being said. Just ask her: “How do you want me to respond when people bring this up?” It’s such a simple step, but it makes a world of difference.
In our family, we’ve been there too. One of our five kiddos is adopted, and she also has blonde hair (while the rest of us don’t-usually-this can change depending on what my hair stylist and I decide the color of the month should be!!). Over the years, we’ve handled this situation in a few ways, depending on who’s asking and the vibe of the moment:
- If it’s someone we know, we might just say, “She gets her blonde hair from her birth parents.” Our daughter doesn’t mind people knowing she’s adopted—she actually loves talking about it.
- For those random stranger moments (looking at you, nosy grocery store lady), try something like: “Right? Her hair is amazing – I’m honestly jealous!” Acknowledges the comment, moves it along, and everyone’s happy.
The key here is to follow your child’s lead. They might prefer one approach over another, and as they grow, their preferences might change—totally normal!
The key here is to follow your child’s lead. They might prefer one approach over another, and as they grow, their preferences might change—totally normal!
Adoption is more common than people realize, but let’s be honest—it’s not something everyone talks about openly. So when people ask nosy or awkward questions, you get to decide whether to educate, deflect, or set a boundary. Sometimes, people are just being nosy (we’ve all met them), but sometimes, they’re genuinely trying to connect. You’ll get pretty good at spotting the difference.
I appreciate our YouTube viewer for sharing her question! I hope this helps you feel more confident in handling these moments. And if you’re on the adoption journey or just looking for some support, you’re in the right place – make sure to join our Facebook Support Group to connect with other adoptive families!
Watch the full video on this topic HERE.
This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only. Our services are not financial, business, or legal advice. The information presented here is not a guarantee that you will obtain any results or earn any money using our content. Adoption & Beyond, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
