Adoption is not just a huge, life altering decision you make in private, it’s a very public decision that attracts a lot of unsolicited advice. Unfortunately, these awkward conversations are not avoidable. Adoption is special. With most things that are special, people can be drawn to it, inspired, or intimidated by it. I understand that not knowing how people will respond can be stressful, so I have compiled some common questions/comments most adopting families experience in some capacity.
You’re the savior.
While this ideology may provide a bit of a boosted ego for you, especially since you are providing a home for a child who might be coming from a hard place, it hinders the significance of the child. While being adopted might be a good thing for a child if they are coming from a difficult place, the adopting family is lucky to have the privilege to adopt this child and to be growing their family through adoption.
Your community might show a large concern for the open adoption process. Much of this is due to a lack of knowledge and understanding. It is important in those moments that you take the opportunity to shed positive truths on open adoptions and how they are very common.
When you tell your family and friends the news, they might ask, “Why did the parents not want the child?” This is a difficult question as you cannot speak for the birth parents. It could also be a sensitive subject for your child. It is ultimately their story to tell. Other common questions include: “How much did your child cost?” or “Why didn’t you want your own child?” Regardless of the questions or negative comments, it is important to remember that while your adoption is public, some elements are private between you and your family. Holding on to those details is okay. People do not need all the answers, and you are not alone.
Your local community only needs to know what you feel comfortable sharing with them. It is pretty impossible to hide that you adopted a child but not sharing information is okay. The adoption process is stressful enough without unsolicited advice/questions/comments.
If you haven’t already, take the first step and learn about adoption and all that comes along with it by taking the All About Adoption 101 course.