During my time in the adoption world, I have worked with multiple families that desire to go through the adoption process multiple times.
Occasionally, I will hear from families whose first adoption was a closed adoption and are desiring another closed adoption, since their first child has a closed adoption. In these situations, I like to unpack their preference for a closed adoption. Really, what these families are doing is depriving a child from a relationship with their birth family on behalf of their other child, because it doesn’t seem like life is fair. It is not fair to ask one child to have a closed adoption because their sibling has a closed adoption.
Don’t let previous adoptions impact how a new one occurs.
Sometimes when one adoption is open and another adoption is closed, the birth mother from the open adoption will “adopt” the child from the closed adoption as their own child. This allows the child to better understand what a birth mom is feeling and thinking and allows for an open door to understanding what the birth mother from the closed adoption is going through. Sometimes this means when a birth mother is taking the children out for an activity, she will include the child that is not her birth child, just so that child is not excluded.
Another way to lessen the burden of having an open adoption and closed adoption together is being mindful at Christmas time. As I have said before, when you adopt a child with an open adoption, you adopt the birth family as well. With gift giving, it is important to be inclusive, regardless of whether one child has a closed adoption and another has an open adoption.
While having one child with an open adoption and one child with a closed adoption can be difficult, you can make it work. It is important to treat each adoption individually and keep an open mind. Life is not always what we plan it to be, but it is what it is!
What did you think of this week’s All About Adoption episode? Balancing multiple adoptions can be tricky, but with the right approach and perspective, you can make it work!
What are other adoption questions you may have? We’d love to hear them! Make sure you leave a comment below!
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