3 Tips for Surviving a Failed Adoption

Adoption, Adoption & Beyond News, Blog

When performing a simple Google search, you’ll find that there aren’t too many statistics yet about the percentage of failed domestic adoptions. According to my own research, I found that about 75% of domestic adoptions are successful and only about 25% of domestic adoptions end up failing. The fact to keep in mind is that most adoptions will go according to plan, but if they don’t, there are 3 major steps you and your family can take to ensure you aren’t completely discouraged.

  1. Remain cautiously optimistic.
    I always tell families to remain cautiously optimistic as there’s a possibility that the birth parents may decide to parent their child after all. While it might seem disheartening, it is absolutely their right, and there is no law against this. Of course, if this does happen, families may go through stages of grief, such as anger or blame. While it’s fair to want answers in this predicament, we may not always get them right away, so giving yourself proper time to grieve and heal is important. Keeping this little tidbit in mind during the process can lessen the blow if it ever happens to you.
  2. Prepare for insensitive comments.
    It’s important to remember that some friends and family members may have nothing encouraging to say, or worse, have insensitive things to say. Most people are well-meaning and aren’t intending to be cold, hurt your feelings, or discourage you from trying to adopt again. However, that fact alone isn’t always enough to avoid the heartache. Realize that adoptions aren’t common in every social sphere and your friends and family may not know how to react if things don’t go through as planned. In their desire to comfort you, they may accidentally say or do things that make you feel bad about your situation.
  3. Separate what happened from what’s happening.
    Often after failed adoptions, families are hesitant to try again. If they do, they’re fearful that the same thing will happen all over again. This process is called a self-fulfilling prophecy, where the grief from a previous failed adoption is brought into a different one. While it’s understandable to be reserved the second time around, it’s not fair to the current birth parents you’re attempting to work with. Every set of birth parents deserves your hope, encouragement, and enthusiasm, especially since it’s a grieving process for them as well.

While failed adoptions can be devastating, it’s crucial to keep an open mind and an open heart to all the wonderful possibilities life can offer. Stay positive and don’t give up! With hope and perseverance, you’ll one day have a child to call your own.

To learn more about the adoption process, sign up for our All About Adoption 101 course:


This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only. Our services are not financial, business or legal advice. The information presented here is not a guarantee that you will obtain any results or earn any money using our content. Adoption & Beyond, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.

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Steffany ave

Founder & Director


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Meet Steffany Aye, the heart behind Adoption & Beyond since its inception in 1998. Fueled by a deep passion for supporting both birth and adoptive parents, Steffany's journey as an adoptive parent has continued the foundation for this non-profit adoption agency.

Drawing from more than 25 years of dedicated experience, Steffany and her team are committed to crafting warm, thriving families through child-centered adoptions. Their inclusive services, free from any form of discrimination, reflect Steffany's unwavering dedication to the beautiful tapestry of adoption.

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