Check out the video on my YouTube channel HERE.
So you’re starting your adoption journey and wondering whether to spill the beans to your family right away, or wait until you’re on the way to bring your child home. This is actually a bigger decision than you might think, and there are some very good reasons to consider both sides of this coin.
Let me walk you through the advantages and disadvantages so you can make the best choice for your situation.
The Advantages of Telling Your Family
Built-in Cheerleaders
Your family becomes your biggest supporters from day one. They’re with you through the entire adoption process – the good days when you’re celebrating milestones like finishing your paperwork or completing your home study, and the rough days when you’re questioning everything.
Their excitement can make the wait time feel way less lonely. When you’re sitting around wondering if you’ll ever get matched, having people in your corner who genuinely care about your journey makes a huge difference.
Instant Party Planners
They’re going to be SO excited to help you celebrate every step. Word of caution, though – they’re going to want to plan you a baby shower before you’ve matched, after you’ve matched, basically any excuse to throw you a party.
Do NOT let a baby shower be planned until you’ve actually adopted a baby. I’ve seen so many heartbreaking situations where families had to figure out what to do with all the baby stuff from their shower when the expecting mom they were matched with decided to parent her child.
Even though they’re your party planners, you need to tell them when they have permission to actually plan those parties for you.
Free Therapy Sessions
Your family becomes your emotional support system – basically free counseling! They’ll be there for the emotional rollercoaster that comes with adoption. They’ll listen when you need to vent, cry with you during the hard moments, and celebrate the victories.
Having people who genuinely care about you available for emotional support? Yes, please. That’s exactly what your family can provide.
The Disadvantages of Telling Your Family
The Question Barrage
“Why are you adopting? Why don’t you have your own kids? What if you get pregnant after you adopt?” Big sigh. Be prepared for the endless questions coming from your family.
Your family means well, but sometimes their questions can feel more like an interrogation than genuine curiosity. It gets exhausting having to explain your choices repeatedly.
Unsolicited Advice Overload
“You should adopt internationally!” “You should adopt domestically!” “I know someone who adopted, and it took forever!”
When you share your adoption news, you’re opening the floodgates for everyone’s opinions about what you should do. Smile and nod, but remember you don’t have to take it all to heart. Everyone suddenly becomes an adoption expert.
Over-Enthusiasm Overboard
Once they know you’re adopting, some families go completely overboard. They’ll start buying every baby item in the store before you even finish your home study.
It’s sweet, but slow down, Aunt Carol! We’ve got some time here. This premature shopping spree can actually create more stress, especially if your adoption journey takes unexpected turns.
My Take? Tell Them
At the end of the day, whether to tell your family is totally up to you. The pros are celebration, love, and understanding. The cons are questions, advice, and premature onesie purchasing.
Whatever you decide, remember this is YOUR journey. Take it at your own pace, but try to enjoy the ride.
Here’s my unsolicited advice, though: I think you should tell your family. Adoption shouldn’t be something you surprise your family with. I really encourage you to educate yourself and your family about adoption because when everyone’s informed, it creates a much more enjoyable adoption experience for everyone involved.
Consider getting some good adoption books that can help educate both you and your family members. The more everyone understands about modern adoption, the better support system you’ll have throughout your journey.
For additional support from families who understand exactly what you’re going through, consider joining my Facebook Group, where adoptive families ask questions, share experiences, advice, and encouragement throughout their journeys.
Want comprehensive guidance on navigating your adoption journey with family support? Check out my All About Adoption 101 course. Ready to explore different adoption paths and how to discuss them with your family? The Avenues of Adoption course will help you understand all your options.
This blog post is provided for educational and informational purposes only. Our services are not financial, business, or legal advice. The information presented here is not a guarantee that you will obtain any results or earn any money using our content. Adoption & Beyond, Inc. owns all copyrights to the materials presented here unless otherwise noted.
