You Have Been Chosen. Now What?

Adoption, Blog, Families, Parenting, Thoughts


One of the most exciting parts of adoption is when you have survived your match meeting and you receive the news that the expecting mom loves you and wants to move forward with her placement plan with you. In other words, you’ve been chosen! But after all that happens…what’s next?

In my most recent YouTube video, I share what happens next. If you are still in the process of waiting to be chosen, check out my video about match meetings here.


Well, once you have been chosen by an expecting mother, it is important to continue to develop that relationship, especially since you will both be in each other’s life for a long, long time. This can look many different ways. Whether it means attending doctors appointments with her, taking her out to lunch, or even meeting her extended family, there are many ways you can continue to develop a relationship with her. You don’t have to wait until the baby is born to get to know the expecting family! Just make sure you respect the level of involvement the expecting mother desires, since this is her pregnancy and her baby. It is never a bad idea to have a conversation about this with the expecting mother so you are both on the same page! Respecting boundaries will allow you to avoid conflict in the long run.


An important part of the relationship can be the support you offer the expecting mom. Sometimes support can be emotional and sometimes support can be financial. Previously, I have shared about living expenses and how you are able to offer financial support to help sustain the pregnancy as well as up to 6 weeks after placement to the mom. If the expecting mother ends up deciding to parent after you have financially supported her, the money you have given her will be considered a gift and there is no way you will be able to get that back. However, whether or not the adoption is successful, you are still able to recoup the money through a tax credit. Be careful of adoption specialists that try to convince you to commit $10,000-15,000 of support to the expecting mother, which is ridiculous. There are some adoption professionals that allow families to provide this much financial support, but know that this is not normal.


Finally, your agency’s role once they have helped you with the match process is to be a continued support and help guide everybody through the adoption process. There is support for you in this process, so don’t be afraid to reach out and seek that support. Your adoption agency will be there for you through the whole adoption process–from the start to after placement. The adoption process can be challenging and doesn’t always go smoothly, so take advantage of the support that is available to you!

Remember, every adoption process and story is different! I am excited for you in this process and believe that you are capable of handling this journey well.


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